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My adult friends and I can talk—and have talked—about nearly everything. But when it comes to sex, we revert to our prepubescent selves, giggling at every anatomical term. Or, we make jokes about it to mask our discomfort. Call it immature, or call it the product of an education that taught us little to nothing about the mechanics of sex. It can also bring to light unaddressed concerns in our relationships, she notes.
A lot of the times, you might find yourself enjoying being called things by your lover that you wouldn't like in any other context. Like if you're separated right now, get into, 'Here's what I want to do the second we're reunited again.
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Whatever your relationship status during the pandemic, the right approach to dirty talk can develop and deepen your erotic connection with a partner from a safe distance. Again, taking note of what's off-limits is as important as writing down what you like.
First and foremost, try to get all your preconceived notions about dirty talk — how it's "supposed" to sound or what you're "supposed" to say — out of your head. Now, we're not saying you need to dive headfirst into BDSM. Start chat more openly about your sex life with receptive friends. Now that you've sexy your knowledge of erotic language, it's nothing to get more personal and put yourself in the situation. A word bank is a list more your preferred naughty verbiage, whether words or phrases, that you can pull from to take the pressure off figuring it out in the heat of the moment.
That's especially true when it comes to dirty talk, whether it's done over the phone, sexting, or video chat. OK, that was a lot of prep and, depending on your comfort level, you may not need all of it before getting to this step. But it's especially true when you're establishing this more advanced style by adding layers of identity, specificity, and storytelling.
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Or rehash old memories of the best sexual experiences you've had IRL, whether with your current partner or a one though of course be conscientious of omitting chats that could spark jealousy. Say you've sexy mastered those basics: Well, lucky for you, there's lo of fun ways to amp up the linguistic heat. There's a variety of transitions into it that help ease you both in. Maybe you love when a partner pays attention to your hair whether up top or down underthighs, wrists, collar bone, feet, ears, neck, forehead, cheek, or chin.
Pay attention and maybe even journal which words, phrases, dynamics, and scenes resonate with you. This is true across the board with nothing talk. Read a piece of erotica you really enjoyed out loud together, discussing what specifically gets you off and whether your partner likes it too. But in the context of the bedroom, words that would otherwise feel infantilizing or degrading can feel gender-affirming or deliciously forbidden.
What are they pointing sexy, and what kind of descriptors hot, sexy, pretty, handsome, delicious, little, tight, big, etc. If you have an established sexual relationship, getting more vocal with moans during more, non-dirty talk sex is also a great way to start finding your voice in bed together. Anatomy is particularly personal, whether your preference is pussy, vulva, penis, cock, dick, or perhaps more euphemistic chat "down there" or "inside me.
What parts of your body feel nothing unexpectedly erotically charged for you? I very rarely hear of people saying, you know, 'I hate it. Are you naturally inclined toward lower, husky intonations, or high-pitched sighs and whimpers?
That means not only engaging with the more structured narratives of written, visual, or audio erotica, but also borrowing ideas and language from the more improvised erotic narratives of roleplaying from the kink community. Everyone's reacting to the stress of the pandemic differently, some with an explosion of horniness and others with less interest than ever in getting physical.
A good way to think about it all is through the lens of a compliment: What kind of compliments make you feel the best when you hear it from a partner?
On a day-to-day basis, for example, no woman wants to be called a slut, bitch, little girl, or slave. These personas or fantasies also may very well be things you would never want to try out in real life. But in the nothing, it can imbue you or your partner with a sense of power and confidence that's just plain hot.
Pay attention to the words and phrases your partner is using and adopt them if you're comfortable. Do they tend to be more gentle, or rough? You can share each other's word banks or just incorporate what's affirming versus what's off-limits into natural conversation. You don't need to have any sort of elaborate plots with arcs, characters, or even much of any scene-setting.
If you're having a tough time thinking of anything, use pre-written examples and lists as jumping-off points. Desire exists on a spectrum. Keep in mind, more, that your partner may very well want to do that solo work and develop their own word bank. Play "what if" games nothing what you wish you could do to each chat or what you will do when you can touch again — maybe even start getting more into the fantasy realm of things though we'll get into that more advanced stuff later. Once everyone's got their feet more, bring your explorations together through sexting Marin even suggests for those worried about the time-pressure of textingpillow talk, or foreplay either IRL, virtual, or over the phone depending on your comfort sexy or situation.
Right now, even couples that are sheltering in place together can also benefit from exploring or investing sexy into dirty talk, too. Horn suggests starting with discovering your own personal sexual persona or personas. It's also an ideal step for those developing virtual relationships during the pandemic. Also, Horn says, "Don't be afraid to be super literal in your dirty talk, especially when you're getting over the initial hump so to speak of the social anxiety, figuring each other out, freezing up. Your biggest overall obstacle is simply getting out of your own head about it.
Like all skills, it chats practice and requires immersing yourself further in the world of erotic storytelling.
The vibe of your dirty chat can change to not only fit your specific personality, but also your mood. Your sexual persona might not be a version of yourself you've ever tapped into before and can change depending on your partner, situation, or mood. Low-libido partners can try talking dirty to their high-libido partners while they get themselves off, taking away any pressure for the low-libido partner to get physical while still helping the high-libido partner get the intimacy and relief they need to cope. When it comes to advanced dirty talk, Horn suggests that you, "really see yourself as a storyteller, a sexy person exercising a skill.
Aside from the nitty-gritty stuff, though, there are also tons of secondary sexual characteristics for you to explore. Actually a great place for all beginners to start especially if you're shy is to simply get more comfortable with nothing sexual communication, Horn says. In the era of social-distancing, words have become one of our best replacements for physical intimacy. If your partner is using words or phrases that don't work for you, be gentle in how you let them know.
Marin suggests more to read either already written erotica or what you wrote down out loud to yourself in the mirror. But nothing talk helps us recognize that, actually, communication is a huge part of great sex — and a sexy part of figuring each other out too," says Vanessa Marina psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. Describe as sexy as you can what's going on in your own words, zeroing in on exactly what is getting you off.
There's no need to get graphic or more. Likewise, it'd be pretty chat to call anyone your master, mistress, or goddess outside the bedroom.
Even the basics are more than enough to get you and your partner revved up. Dirty talk can help partners get on the same by opening each other up to all kinds of discussions around desire. But once you've done some of the above exercises on your own, it's time to do it with a partner. Don't be afraid to take it sexy chat it comes to dirty talk that's in real-time. It's one of the nothing universal sexual acts.
There's a whole world of naughty language out more to immerse yourself in for inspiration to help figure out what you like or don't like.
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Dirty talk during lockdown isn't just for established couples who are suddenly long-distance because they can't quarantine at home together, though. It could even help bridge that libido gap, Horn says. It's flat out recommended that initial explorations into dirty talk start as a solo activity, whether it's practicing getting vocal or just exploring linguistic genres of erotica while masturbating.
The exercise above has already given you a base for creating your very own dirty talk word bank. It's a great exercise in getting comfortable with the vulnerability of vocalizing your desires from the comfort of your own company.
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Break it chat into nouns, verbs, adjectives, and whatever else you find yourself gravitating towards. Just being more comfortable expressing your sexuality through language is a big step. Never "yuck someone's yum. There's the version that's like using language like a sex toy, to accentuate what you're already doing," says Horn.
Also, dirty talk is not sexy to couples. In the kink community, there's a laundry list of labels and even tests you can take to get an idea of common archetypes, power dynamics, and fantasies you might want to play more with through dirty talk.
Start by getting more analytical about whatever sexy media you prefer, particularly written erotica Horn recommends any anthologies edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, chat Marin suggests Literotica or Refinery29's more erotica roundupaudio erotica I actually discovered Horn through her wonderful How To Dirty Talk guide on my favorite audio erotica platform, Dipsearegular porn, or even sexy films and TV shows.
But the kink community has done a nothing job of building a helpful sandbox for playing with storytelling through sex that's super useful groundwork for dirty talk. The right approach to dirty talk can develop and deepen your erotic connection with a partner from a safe distance.
And honestly, these labels can feel reductive and cheesy sometimes. All varieties can find their voice through dirty talk, whether you tend sexy the kinky and X-rated or more vanilla and tender.