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I recently received a question to which I, unfortunately, had to give a very simple answer. One woman asked me:.

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My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back (should i be worried?)

But getting worked up about it will most likely lead you to a bad place …. Seriously meditate on this thought: People are going to do whatever they want to do. He may or not be friends with them. It used to be so clear, and while the last decades the culture has been rebelling against structure and clear roles, the world it has created is just a mushy, confusing mess that le nowhere.

Ask a guy: when he’s still in touch with his ex

If you having conversations with your exes you may not be communicating those feelings with your new love interest. Also, try to be his best friend. This article supports immature behavior that does not help a person move on and go the distance with another. Him: I know. My organizing principle would be whether or not any particular thing is good for the strength of our relationship… and unfortunately, any kind of ongoing relationship with another guy would sow seeds for weakening the relationship and must not be there in the relationship, just as it would be equally bad if the guy has ongoing relationships with other women in some capacity.

But there is more you need to know.

Is he still in love with his ex? 7 s he is not over her

I definitely have… And the truth is some of the time the people warning me about a relationship were right… but other times they were absolutely, positively wrong. While these are all legitimate fears, remember that they are your fears and therefore your responsibility in terms of handling them.

Hi eric. Me: With us breaking up? I asked if he pushed the subject. Fear that she might take advantage of him and you want to protect him from that. I cannot tolerate another woman wining and dining with my man. She refuses to meet me with him outside of work, or at lunch away from the office 4. The fact is that just about any high-quality guy out there is going to have ex-girlfriends.

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She texts him every waking moment. I understand they have a past, and I have been tolerant of their relationship together, for the most part, for the past year. For me, realizing this… really really realizing it… made me free.

I imagine we are in agreement with all this…. My boyfriend has an ex that he dated and lived with for 4 years. But I can tell you, every time that someone has pressured me by telling me their opinion of someone more than once, I started to resent them for making the complaint. After you heard their opinion once, that was enough.

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But then maybe that person said it a second time. But then it would eat away at me because, in my mind, there is nothing worse than being played for a fool. When you enter a love-interest relationship, you should focus on that person. I terminated that relationship. I learned my lesson though. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want.

He is clearly having a relationship with her. Generally speaking, though, when you have a relationship with someone, you consider it your relationship with that other person.

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My boyfriend is still in close contact with his most recent ex in a way which is troubling me. I know how this is going to end. Because it was your relationship. If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. And after i found the messages the first time and after he already said he stopped talking to her i found messages saying things like where are you i want to hang out with you…and then he admitted he met up with her for smoothies, and didnt tell me until i found tbe messages 4 days later.

I regret it — it was destructive and never ever helped my relationship.

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Fear that she might do something to screw up your relationship with him. Years ago, I would be dating a girl and she would be carrying on conversations with an ex because he was a friend. If I were in your situation, I would do whatever I could to avoid the subject of this ex-girlfriend altogether. I would make some drastic adjustments before you self destruct because I know how it feels. Eric Charles. She always needed to sit next to him at lunches, touching him with her body 3. He hangs out with her privately once a week and does a private lunch with her once a week even though she no longer works with the same company.

A 3 of us used to work together 2.

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Him: No, with her and I not speaking. At the heart of the issue, this sort of thing stems from your own fears. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…. There are plenty of men who will treat you right. I can tell you that when I was on the receiving end of this sort of thing, I was not graceful about it. The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit?

Frankly, people are going to do whatever they want to do anyway. People busy lives. He is not someone who commits.

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At first, I would try to be cool about it… let it go. This last time he told her I was uncomfortable because I think she still has feelings for him and she just shrugged. They talk whole day and night. Still, you appreciated their sentiment since you knew it was said out of their love and concern for you. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life.

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Superb stuff, a very realistic and mature point of view, reading your comment really made me think and has put things into perspective. These communications build your relationship. One of the great traps of our time is how wishy-washy relationships have become. I caught my boyfriend of 2 yrs secretly talking to his ex.

He does these things because he knows you let him do it, just leave him. I respectfully disagree.

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I stopped trying to be perfect and control everything so I could feel OK. But I can tell you from my experience both on the giving and receiving end of thingsoutside opinions are not appreciated. Actions speak louder than words. What complicates all of this is: 1. I needed to learn to trust my own instincts — to trust that I would know something was wrong if my relationship was bad, not because I felt jealous or uncomfortable about a relationship she had.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend still talks to their ex, this is how to deal with it

I had a guy tell me he is still friends with many of his exes. Most people would say to leave but I say to make him play cat and mouse, Make him chase after you. Prior to that they were friends in High School. I feel that by keeping her in his life, he is being slightly disrespectful to me, as she clearly still has some kind of hold over him for him to put up with this. Playing talking or trying to control the other person to prevent them from being able to contact someone is just going to fill that person with resentment and boyfriend drain you of energy you could put towards better things … like making your relationship good.

At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? Thank you! I am dating a guy his almost an year. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? And we ended the conversation. Worrying about what they could do just throws away any chance for enjoying your own life. The first time you would take their opinion into consideration because after all, the person who said it to you is probably someone that you know cares for you. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

Another major problem is if you think he might be losing interest or pulling away. I handled my problem because it was my problem, not hers. Good luck! For example, I have female employees and I have a rapport with them in order to work well together. You need to leave this guy. Granted, we need to be realistic about certain things. Do you know what to do when this happens? To be honest, in this day and age, yes I think relationships need to be very solidly and clearly defined with clear guidelines that both people are happy to abide by.

There were lessons I needed to learn.

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